Monday, April 11, 2005

Maybe it isn't so bad ...

I've actually been able to sort of hobble around today with the crutches and I even *drove* the car up to the doctor's office about a mile from home. I used my left foot for the brake and didn't do anywhere near as badly as I thought.

So ... I see the doctor. He was interested in my foot ... no, I tell him, it's my tummy. He's not sure what it is ... sure sounds like gallbladder stones he tells me, but the ultrasound was negative. Oh well, I'll have to see the specialist and if it acts up again, I am to take my body to the hospital. Ack. Five or six hours in the hospital in agony, can't think of anything else I'd rather do.

So he says to me ... I saw Robert again this week. Hmmmmm, now why would my *well* son be seeing the doctor again? He couldn't say, but he did say that he told Robert my reaction to hearing that he was safe. And he did say that he told him to call home. (yup, ET, call HOME!) He said that Robert did not react ... I wonder what was going on inside of his head.

I head home from my appointment. I'm not sure what to make of this development. Robert knows that I know. Does he miss me at all? How can a kid appear to close his heart so much to his family? It's not just me, it's everyone! Dr. says he is so mature and seems to have a decent job ... can't imagine because I thought he quit school, but who knows what is happening in his life?


I miss my boy.

Some days I am so full of hope for his return. Other days I am so full of pain missing him and wondering if I will ever be reconciled with him again. God promised I would. I even had prophecy in January from a Pastor who knew nothing of me that there would be restoration in my family. So ... I have to choose to trust.

It is this waiting that can be so difficult.

One of the Scriptures I hold onto comes to mind ...

Jeremiah 31:15-19

This is what the Lord says:
A voice was heard in Ramah,a lament with bitter weeping-Rachel weeping for her children,refusing to be comforted for her childrenbecause they are no more.

This is what the Lord says:
Keep your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears,for the reward for your work will come-[this is] the Lord's declaration-and your children will return from the enemy's land.

There is hope for your future -[this is] the Lord's declaration-and your children will return to their own territory.

I have heard Ephraim moaning:
You disciplined me, and I have been disciplinedlike an untrained calf.Restore me, and I will return,for you, Lord, are my God. After I returned, I repented; After I was instructed, I struck my thigh [in grief]. I was ashamed and humiliated because I bore the disgrace of my youth.

Isn't Ephraim a precious son to Me,a delightful child?Whenever I speak against him,I certainly still think about him.Therefore, My inner being yearns for him;I will truly have compassion on him.[This is] the Lord's declaration. Set up road markers for yourself;establish signposts!Keep the highway in mind,the way you have traveled.


Anonymous said...

Wow, is the doctor your new mediator and prophet or what?!! :)

This is amazing - a 2nd visit for both you and Robert. God is sovereign and always at work in our lives, so I have not doubt that He is working in Robert. We get impatient and want things to happen on our timeline. But just remember, it is in God's timing.

Continue to wait upon the Lord. And in my commentary, I discovered a great meaning for "wait." (OK, you probably already know this!)

wait - continued hope; confident expectation

I love that. We can put all of our hope and confidence in the Lord, as works all things together for good.

love you, sister~

Carolyn said...

boy, aint that the truth! Thanks for your great comments. it's a real joy to have this place to vent. i'm recommending it to all my clients now.

(just not giving all of them THIS link... lol.)

Anonymous said...

"(just not giving all of them THIS link... lol.)"

This literally made me lol! Better keep this one to yourself!

Carolyn said...

yup ... i think that's a good idea! lol.

~m2~ said...

i find it amazing that even after the doctor told robert of your visit, he is continuing to see him.


wonder what that all means? i am sure if'n i didn't want to see a certain someone at any cost, i'd switch physicians. however, he so didn't do that.

pretty neat.

(sorry you're feeling wonky :( )

Carolyn said...

now, that is an interesting take on it for sure. i hadn't even considered how robert would have reacted to it.

as you say: hmmmmmmmmmmm

i'm expecting him to show up any minute and it does make things a little more difficult. *sigh*