Maybe it isn't so bad ...

I've actually been able to sort of hobble around today with the crutches and I even *drove* the car up to the doctor's office about a mile from home. I used my left foot for the brake and didn't do anywhere near as badly as I thought.

So ... I see the doctor. He was interested in my foot ... no, I tell him, it's my tummy. He's not sure what it is ... sure sounds like gallbladder stones he tells me, but the ultrasound was negative. Oh well, I'll have to see the specialist and if it acts up again, I am to take my body to the hospital. Ack. Five or six hours in the hospital in agony, can't think of anything else I'd rather do.

So he says to me ... I saw Robert again this week. Hmmmmm, now why would my *well* son be seeing the doctor again? He couldn't say, but he did say that he told Robert my reaction to hearing that he was safe. And he did say that he told him to call home. (yup, ET, call HOME!) He said that Robert did not react ... I wonder what was going on inside of his head.

I head home from my appointment. I'm not sure what to make of this development. Robert knows that I know. Does he miss me at all? How can a kid appear to close his heart so much to his family? It's not just me, it's everyone! Dr. says he is so mature and seems to have a decent job ... can't imagine because I thought he quit school, but who knows what is happening in his life?

*sigh*

I miss my boy.

Some days I am so full of hope for his return. Other days I am so full of pain missing him and wondering if I will ever be reconciled with him again. God promised I would. I even had prophecy in January from a Pastor who knew nothing of me that there would be restoration in my family. So ... I have to choose to trust.

It is this waiting that can be so difficult.

One of the Scriptures I hold onto comes to mind ...

Jeremiah 31:15-19

This is what the Lord says:
A voice was heard in Ramah,a lament with bitter weeping-Rachel weeping for her children,refusing to be comforted for her childrenbecause they are no more.

This is what the Lord says:
Keep your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears,for the reward for your work will come-[this is] the Lord's declaration-and your children will return from the enemy's land.

There is hope for your future -[this is] the Lord's declaration-and your children will return to their own territory.

I have heard Ephraim moaning:
You disciplined me, and I have been disciplinedlike an untrained calf.Restore me, and I will return,for you, Lord, are my God. After I returned, I repented; After I was instructed, I struck my thigh [in grief]. I was ashamed and humiliated because I bore the disgrace of my youth.

Isn't Ephraim a precious son to Me,a delightful child?Whenever I speak against him,I certainly still think about him.Therefore, My inner being yearns for him;I will truly have compassion on him.[This is] the Lord's declaration. Set up road markers for yourself;establish signposts!Keep the highway in mind,the way you have traveled.