Another update ...

I talked with Kelly tonight to get the scoop.

It turns out Robert is a bouncer at a local bar. Literally a few miles from where I live. ack.


And ... he is living with Nancy.

For those of you who know this story from the beginning ... Nancy was my best friend. She hated the fact that I had returned to Bill after we separated and managed to convince Robert that I chose Bill over him. ack.

*sigh*

The enemy is really yanking my chain right now. Now I understand why God has had me working so hard on forgiveness where Nancy is concerned. She has done nothing but control this entire situation from the beginning of when Robert left home.

She even lost her own marriage because her husband disagreed with her taking Robert into her home and not working at reconcilling him to his family. It was not a pretty sight five years ago.

The worst of it is, that woman sat in the same room with me not a few weeks ago during the Seder meal on Maundy Thursday. And she had my son living there.

You know what is really funny? When we took communion on Maundy Thursday, I really cried out to the Lord to give me a pure heart where she was concerned. At the little church, we all go up to the altar to take communion. i had purposed myself that I was going to walk past where she was sitting after communion and make some sort of gesture of reconcilliation as she had ignored me during dinner (well, not really, she and her 'guest' glared at me a few times).

But ... Bill took my arm and 'steered' me over to the other side where we were sitting. it was not the usual practice to walk behind those taking communion when you are finished, but the only way i could have gone to where Nancy was sitting would be to make a bit of a scene. i just assumed it was God's doing.

Kelly is furious. She said that all through their (her and Robert's) telephone conversation that she was carrying on a conversation with him, preventing him from having a decent conversation with Kelly.

When Robert showed up last summer, Nancy wouldn't let him visit alone with Kelly but drove him there and followed them around Kelly's house from room to room. They couldn't have a private conversation. *sigh*

My heart was soaring this afternoon and it is breaking tonight.

I know I need to forgive and release, but how does one forgive this sort of betrayal? I've tried with all I have, but the pain is so intense. This woman has controlled my son and denied me five long years of his life.

Tonight when I came home from work, my neighbour was standing outside with her son. He is going into juniour kindergarten this fall. He's big and strong and beautiful and smart. And he was born one week before Robert left home.

That is how much I have been denied ... that precious child's entire life. They are non-refundable years. *sob*

*sigh* I can't say anymore. This is so difficult.