Thursday, April 14, 2005

Another update ...

I talked with Kelly tonight to get the scoop.

It turns out Robert is a bouncer at a local bar. Literally a few miles from where I live. ack.


And ... he is living with Nancy.

For those of you who know this story from the beginning ... Nancy was my best friend. She hated the fact that I had returned to Bill after we separated and managed to convince Robert that I chose Bill over him. ack.

*sigh*

The enemy is really yanking my chain right now. Now I understand why God has had me working so hard on forgiveness where Nancy is concerned. She has done nothing but control this entire situation from the beginning of when Robert left home.

She even lost her own marriage because her husband disagreed with her taking Robert into her home and not working at reconcilling him to his family. It was not a pretty sight five years ago.

The worst of it is, that woman sat in the same room with me not a few weeks ago during the Seder meal on Maundy Thursday. And she had my son living there.

You know what is really funny? When we took communion on Maundy Thursday, I really cried out to the Lord to give me a pure heart where she was concerned. At the little church, we all go up to the altar to take communion. i had purposed myself that I was going to walk past where she was sitting after communion and make some sort of gesture of reconcilliation as she had ignored me during dinner (well, not really, she and her 'guest' glared at me a few times).

But ... Bill took my arm and 'steered' me over to the other side where we were sitting. it was not the usual practice to walk behind those taking communion when you are finished, but the only way i could have gone to where Nancy was sitting would be to make a bit of a scene. i just assumed it was God's doing.

Kelly is furious. She said that all through their (her and Robert's) telephone conversation that she was carrying on a conversation with him, preventing him from having a decent conversation with Kelly.

When Robert showed up last summer, Nancy wouldn't let him visit alone with Kelly but drove him there and followed them around Kelly's house from room to room. They couldn't have a private conversation. *sigh*

My heart was soaring this afternoon and it is breaking tonight.

I know I need to forgive and release, but how does one forgive this sort of betrayal? I've tried with all I have, but the pain is so intense. This woman has controlled my son and denied me five long years of his life.

Tonight when I came home from work, my neighbour was standing outside with her son. He is going into juniour kindergarten this fall. He's big and strong and beautiful and smart. And he was born one week before Robert left home.

That is how much I have been denied ... that precious child's entire life. They are non-refundable years. *sob*

*sigh* I can't say anymore. This is so difficult.

6 comments:

~m2~ said...

oh carolyn - i wish i had the words right off the bat that would soothe your sad heart and soul. i know i don't, so i will just tell you that when you dance, i dance, when you grieve, i grieve. i am right there with you, my sister, with a cup of tea and an ultra-soft tissue.

please know i am praying for you and that you are truly loved.

saltnlight said...

I am soo happy that Robert is alright and coming back to his home with you his mother, where god wants him to be and where he truly belongs. Just keep calling him home. Please I know it is hard but just keep focusing on he's coming home. Satan wants you to focus in on that lady and her involvement and her issues. I love you and I feel your pain truly and i am praying for you.

~m2~ said...

you know what? your salty friend is right - he knew exactly where to shoot the arrow at the achillles heel and bang, got it the first try. he's so flippin' arrogant, this enemy of ours. shame he's banished to hell forever, but until then, he'll do whatever it takes to trip us up. and he's quite good at it, unfortunately.

i stand in agreement: keep calling rob home. i think he's starting to respond, to come around. he's confused, but we all know who the author of confusion is.

liar.

from the pit.

okay, i am getting off my jonathan edwards-styled soapbox now...

Carolyn said...

you're all right. i can't believe how i let the enemy yank my chain last night.

i was on the phone last night with my 'dung friend', Anne, who has been through this with me from before day one. she just let me talk and talk and rant and rave ...

i will not let the enemy steal my joy.

as the Lord told me last night ... do you really thing that Nancy is strong enough to crush my plans for your life? for Robert's life? like Pharoah, I am using her. just pray that she repents and does not reap what she's sown.

*sigh*

Gayla said...

I'm here, but I commented in the Pool.

I love you, sister and friend, and I'm certainly bearing down in prayer for you and this whole ordeal.

((((KK))))

Carolyn said...

i love you guys so much. thanks for your precious prayers, i feel them very much today.

hugs.