Friday, October 27, 2006

I can feel the prayers!

First, friends, I cannot thank you enough for your prayers and I encourage you to please keep them up! I can feel them - the Lord is very, sweetly, close - and I'm improving every day.

It has been a nutty week with lots of news.

First, Robby decided to end his relationship with Milly. Although I am happy for Robby because I wasn't sure that she was going in the same direction that God was calling Robby, I miss her. She caused a great deal of drama around here, but also, great joy with her outgoing personality.

He has made his room his own and is a very, very neat young man! It's a delight to have him so conscious of the state of the apartment, it looks lovely! I wish I knew how to post pictures from my cell phone, I'll have to ask him today to help me. He is also doing very well at school, although he has been home with me this week, so he's missed a few classes.

Second, and I am so thankful Milly was here when it happened, I had a seizure on Tuesday morning. After a day in the hospital, it appears that I had a reaction to antidepressant medication the doctor prescribed due to the stress I've been under. He thought it would help with the physical fatigue, and it has helped with the daily grind of trying to keep going when I'm so tired, but when we increased it to a "therapetic dose", I had a seizure. So, back to the drawing board in my quest for health.

After the seizure I spent an unusual two days in bed and saw a full caseload of clients out of the house yesterday - success. The Lord really anointed and it was a good day in the counselling office. I have taken the week off from teaching at the College. I have been told that the entire College is praying for me during every class - so praise God for answered prayer!!! Today I have three clients at my home and they are easy ones, so it is good.

As for the financial situation ... not so good at this point. I have enough in the bank for rent on the first, but that is it. I've only received $300.00 more than the rent this month in income - and I work the equivalent of almost five times that in hours, but the insurance company I work with has not released my funds yet. I'm angry and frustrated, but thankful there is enough to cover my expenses. Talk about pulling the belt in a little tighter, but we're not starving so I know the Lord will release all of the money when the time is right.

Oh, and remember I said I was praying for clients who would pay cash? Three old paying clients and three new paying clients have made contact with me. Isn't God good? *shaking head and sighing*

As for Bill ... well, that's going a little better, but I've paid a price for it. He made dinner for me last week - at the house - and we have been able to at least reconcile our relationship to the point where we are dating. That is a good thing, but since I refuse to go to the house and he refuses to go to a restaurant, or to my new house, I'm not sure where we will go from here. He's not well physically and doesn't see the connection with the mould (yes, Canadians spell it with a 'u' - lol), we're still fighting that battle.

Thanks for your prayers, my friends. I cannot thank you enough. The story isn't over, but the Lord is close and He is so good ... I can do all things through Him ... He is my strength.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Still feeling very fragile

I didn't want this blog to be an update on my struggles so much as my victories. It seems that I have been having way more struggles than victories yesterday and my old Word of Faith teaching is leaving hard and screaming all the way.

Robby told me that when he was praying for me a few days ago the Lord showed him that I would think things were going to only get better when we moved, but that it wasn't the case. I have to admit that I thought there would be a lot more emotional and physical release when we moved, but it has proved untrue.

It looks like my body is detoxing from the mould, etc., in the house. I am so tired and achey, it is frustrating. I am normally a very high functioning and busy person and do not deal well with not having enough energy to do everything I need to do ... especially when I am the majority breadwinner and it is difficult for me to work feeling this way.

The Lord has been so good. He has consistently brought new clients my way which is a relief, but for the last three weeks, I have only been able to see half of my client load. That means half of my income. Unfortuantely, it will not show up fully until around Christmas from the receipts from the insurance company. I'm praying that the Lord will bring more cash paying clients around that time to cover the expenses.

The Lord did provide work for Robert at the College so he can work off his tuition. I met the College President in the hall on Friday and he told me how happy he is with Robby's work! Yeah, God! Good work, Rob!

Now I can be paid for my work at the College because I was going to apply that to his tuition. That is a good God in the works, isn't it?

Things are going well with us at the new home, although Milly is not feeling well right now. As we speak they are off to the doctor, something about her not taking her pills properly and her system is out of whack. Prayers appreciated there!

She's matured a lot. They have been keeping their room very clean, it's nice to see a bed made and the laundry all up to date. It really is nice.

Bill and I have been talking on the phone every day and he has been asking me to come to the house for the night. Unfortuantely, I don't want to give up all of the detoxing I have done to go back to the house for any length of time. It's just not worth it to me and I think he is finally starting to understand by my consistent refusal to go near the house.

But I miss him so much. I don't miss the constant discussions about money at all, but we seem to be able to date very well. It's sad when we love each other so much but cannot live together in peace. Very sad.

Well, thanks for reading. I'll try to be more forthcoming for those who are worrried and I thank you for your calls and emails. I know I have been very scarce, which is out of character for my outgoing personality, but I need desperately to get my health back.

Blessings, my friends.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


I am teaching three courses this semester at the College:
Introduction to Pscyhology I
Psychology of Counselling I (yes, that is two 'L's ... the Canadian Way)
Psychology of Christian Life I

The two first are undergraduate and the bare introduction - usually a very difficult course to teach because the amount of material is vast and the basics can be very, very boring. The third is a Doctorate course and one that I have been left to develop completely on my own. I'm loving that!

The textbooks for the last course are "Master Potter" by Jill Austin and "Intimate Friendship with God" by Joy Dawson. Both excellent books by awesome women of God. Not that I am adverse to books or material written by men, gracious no, but these two women have written material that takes me straight to the Heart of God.

It is a delight to teach from this material.

The first book is written by a woman who is a potter. She uses her experience and the Word of God where one of the allegories of God is as a potter and us as the clay. Our most recent class was discussing the time in a Christian's life where he or she is put on the shelf to 'cure' so to speak, often early in their relationship with the Lord. But often, the Lord places us on the shelf again at another point in our production to cure. Maybe after a beautiful glaze has been applied, or a design. And we may cry because we are not being used as the instrument we once were. We do not see the finished product, or what the Lord is planning for us.

I was bemoaning my recent putting on the shelf by the Lord. This placing was bugging me because I have so much to do in ministry and I have been so ill that I have been unable to concentrate enough to even think about preaching a sermon. I went so far as to ask the senior Pastor to give me a few months off from my responsibilities of teaching and preaching until I was in a better place physically and emotionally. I have continued my counselling practice within the church - albeit barely - and have been able to sit in the congregation and just receive during the services. It's been a sweet time in some ways, and frustrating in others because there is so much I want to do.

Yet, the Lord showed me this week that there is beauty in that time of shelving. And I have been preaching ... three times a week in class. He has been giving me revelation and anointing for these students in a way that is truly incredible. Even my son - who is in my classes *clapping* - is amazed at the transformation.

It is when your family sees the anointing of God on you ....

Lord, why do I not have that anointing at home? All the time? I so long to walk in a way that is pure, holy, a testimony to the Love of God every moment of my life, but alas, I am but clay. An empty pot without the Lord.

He is doing something so deep in my life right now. Even my thoughts are open and bare before Him and He is showing me some that are *sigh* not very pretty at all. It is almost like there is a Holy Spirit Spotlight on my mind at all times. It is most uncomfortable, I must tell you.

But it is cleansing too.

It amazes me how He uses whatever is in our lives to continually cleanse us, bring us closer to His heart and from Glory to Glory to Glory ... for His Glory.

He's so good, friends. He is so very good. And faithful.

Even when He has the iron and the bleach in His Hand. (or the potter's shelf)