Thursday, September 28, 2006

Feeling Better

This is very interesting.

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that the Lord wanted us to move out of the house. When I think back on how I was feeling and what I was doing, it occurs to me that He was prompting me to prepare for a move. I thought we were going to have to sell the house because of the mould, and we probably will have to, but I think there is more.

This is the beginning of Rosh Hashanah. I read a very interesting article on The Elijah List ( this morning about Rosh Hashanah. One comment made was this is a time of transition and change, that realignments are happening. Something in my Spirit, that I KNOW is the quickening of Holy Spirit, said ... it is time.

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I am where God wants me to be ... and that He has led me like a little child because I was too ill to make the trip myself ... footprints again ...

What is great is that I am finally starting to feel like myself again.

Mould is a horrible thing. Horrible! Like sin, it is insidious. It hides the the dark and then sneaks in tiny spore by tiny spore until it has destroyed its host. And only by killing it, will one be free.


Saturday, September 23, 2006

The New Place

We moved into a beautiful condominium this Thursday. Mainly because I was under so much stress that I ended up with a full blown panic attack on Wednesday when my blackberry fell down the stairs and broke.

My whole life is on that thing.

I have been without it since Wednesday and I've missed several appointments. It is so frustrating. It has been backed up every night, but the computer in the house has been damaged by the power surges we were experiencing by the electrical meter incident last week where the meter was moments away from burning the house down.

*blink* *blink*

Just thinking about it causes me to breathe deep into a paper bag.

breathe in, breathe out.

Is it just me, or is the enemy on the warpath? He is picking up on whatever he can pick up on and causing as much damage as he can try to. He cannot make things go wrong, but he sure can distract, huh?

Anyhooooooo, the apartment is lovely and I am so enjoying the quiet and cleanliness of it.

More later. Thanks for those who pray.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

On a Brighter Note ... College Days

Robert started College this week. He is taking classes Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. It is so much fun to be walking around the College with him ... to see the reaction of all the people who have prayed so faithfully for him for 6 years! He is truly a walking miracle.

He has taken it so seriously! He sits in class and types away his notes from the lectures on his laptop. He sits on the edge of his seat and listens, really listens. (Must I admit that I sneak a peak from time to time???)

He talks about the classes, what the profs are talking about and how he feels about the politics of the day. It is so awesome to see how God is pouring out favour over this boy. He is completely different at school.

He is with me in the office and is presently overseeing the Psychological testing for my new clients. It is so sweet to see him dressed in his suit and looking so darn 'old' and 'mature'! Where do the days go?

Tonight as we were driving home (at 10:00 - eek) he said that he didn't want to leave the College because the Spirit is so sweet there.

In the midst of all of our hell at home, I am living and watching a real live miracle unfold before my eyes.

The enemy is a stinker.

Do you hear me? The enemy is a stinker.

He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. It breaks my heart how Bill is walking along side him and attempting to ruin this precious time. I hate being in the middle, but for a few sweet moments at school - and at the office - I am living a miracle!

Thank you for your prayers

Thanks for your prayers. There is no change. I've seen this look in other men's eyes in counselling. It is not good and he does not want to get therapy for us.

Sad, huh?

Oh well, can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to.

Tonight was not good. I bought something for $10.00 at McDonald's for our dinner because we didn't have time to pack a lunch before we had to run out of the house. Bill was not happy.

I've started teaching at the College again and Robby started his classes, so Bill and I will go from Sunday night to Thursday night without seeing each other except passing in the night ... he goes to bed at 8:30 and I am usually not in bed before 12:00 so we do not see each other awake at all. I'm sure that is part of the problem. It is not an ongoing thing, but it lasts during the semesters. I simply have to work at night if I am going to make money and money is at the root of the problem.

I feel so stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I am home, he is upset I am not making money, if I am out making money, he is upset I am not home. ack.

We need a miracle.

Friday, September 08, 2006

An update ... thanks for the prayers

Bill returned home, but he still says he is leaving as soon as he finds a place to stay. I have been trying to respect him and give him all the tender loving care he needs, but it has been difficult with me being soo sick. He didn't even make me a cup of tea.

Every conversation is strained, he does not say a positive thing and I just cannot listen to his complaining all the time. I'm struggling with a huge case of compassion fatigue, which means that I cannot take anyone else's crap ... even to the point of not wanting to counsel certain people because they are such whiners. I feel that I have lost all of my compassion!


Because of that, I've had to cancel several days worth of clients, which does not help the financial situation, which is Bill's biggest complaint!

We are in a cycle I don't know how to stop with his help - and he is not helping.

Uncovering serious mould in the renovation has not helped matters at all. I am positive this is the reason that we have all been struggling with such serious illness over the last year, but again, Bill is unwilling to spend the money to have it assessed and then even more unwilling to spend the money to have it repaired.

He has dug his head well under the house like an ostrich and we are all dying from it.


I am simply hanging on as I have been for several months, but I don't know what else to do. Robby and I are renovating in spite of Bill at least to increase the value of the home if we have to sell, but I cannot in good conscience renovate over existing mould problems. I feel so stuck, I want to leave myself. But like Bill, I have nowhere to go and besides, leaving is the coward's way out.

We have had similar issues occur at the church as well:

Vandalism - some 'kid' stuck a garden hose turned on full down an airvent which flooded the nursery and all carpets had to be taken up - including our fellowship hall and probably the four Pastor's offices!

A tree was struck by lightening on the Manse property which crashed through the fence and landed on the parking lot ...

The overhead projector for our worship lyrics suddenly died ...

There is more ...

What I keep seeing in my mind is the enemy leading a parade of demons outside of the window ... they all have drums and noisemakers .... but ... they are outside. They can only try to distract us from our work by their noise and shennanagens (sp) ... That's all they can do.

I find myself giggle as I write because of my blog name and the description. The comparison between myself and the spots of mould are almost comical. Do you know how you kill mould? Bleach. *giggle* *sigh*

Prayers to keep focused would be so appreciated.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Heartbroken ...

My husband left today.


We have been having problems for a while - hence the scarce posting - and having two teenagers in the house has not helped matters much. We started construction a couple of weeks ago to provide Milly with a closet as she is such a slob, we thought it might help. It all really started when the room stunk so much I told Robby he had to paint in hopes of getting it cleaned out.

Bill does not handle mess and especially construction well. And he doesn't handle financial spending either.

He warned me ... I was too tired and stressed to be able to help him. I cannot sit and argue with him when I do not get home until after he goes to bed and he gets up for work four hours before I am awake.

I am heartbroken.

I just do not know what to do.