Sunday, May 08, 2005

Mother's Day 2005

This is number five without Robert. Funny, it's 10:38 and he hasn't called. i guess he will not. Three weeks ago he leaves his business card in my screen door. i thought for sure by now i would have been in contact.

sigh. this waiting is almost worse than it was when i didn't know were he was!

today i sang a song at church ... He's My Son. i think i posted the words to it somewhere back in the earlier part of this blog. i sang it for my little Cleansing Stream group several weeks ago when we were discussing the consecrating or 'commiting everything to God' section.

have i had experience in that area! ack. sigh.

great
big
sigh

sometimes it is so tough being a mom.

one of my best friends called and left a message on my answering machine this morning. actually, by 8:00 am, i had three messages on my answering machine and none from my kids. three precious friends who know how difficult this day can be just called to say they loved me and they would be praying for me today. especially since i was singing. one precious woman said i am such a precious friend, i must have been a wonderful mother. not to let this get me down.

you see i am not a singer. usually, i try not to belt out in praise and worship because i can be a little flat. but not when i am singing 'robert's song'. it never ceases to amaze me how God anoints me to sing.

not a dry eye in the house.

one of the rough and tough guys at church came up to me and quietly took me aside. he said, 'i never cry, but i shed many tears while you were singing. i could hear your mama's broken heart singing. i pray he shows up very, very soon.'

this is the attitude i came home from church with. he did not call .. but ... one day soon. very, very soon.

it is a bittersweet day. let me tell you about the sweet, you've already heard about the bitter.

i did have dinner with my precious Kelly and Jadzia. they took me out to a great restaurant. oh my, you cannot imagine how i felt when that little sweetie, Jadzia came through the doors of the restaurant and caught my eye! she jumped up and screamed at the top of her lungs

'GRANDMA!!'

sob
tears

she ran around in circles and then jumped into my arms with her precious little arms out and a big kiss for me. this is at only two and a half. what a doll. later we went over to wallymart to pick up some craft supplies, etc., and every time they turned a corner or i was out of her sight, Jadzia would yell 'grandma! where are you, grandma!' then Kelly chimes in. it's so cute, people all over are giggling at this tiny little sweetheart. she steals everyone's heart.

my heart swells and it bursts with love for these two precious girls of mine.

another sweet part? precious Bill. My darling man. he had my customary fuscia basket for me. kelly started this tradition ten years ago. every mother's day i get a fuscia basket for the garden ... not just any ... they have to be that soft pink and white. what a sweet man he is. he came to church and stood up and clapped the loudest and burst his buttons. he never complains when i spend hours away from home and said ... go off with kelly and have dinner, i'll see you when you get home. we only have two meals a week together and he sacrificed one for me today. he's a real treasure this man. a true gift from the Lord.

so, a bitter day ... a sweet day. when you think about it, i've had all of the experience of a mom and a wife today.

4 comments:

~m2~ said...

oh, sweetie - i was thinking of you yesterday. i would've called too, but we were non-stop until dinner. i had ice cream for dinner because that was what i wanted!

i am praying for you. i enjoy our chats so much probably because they are few and far between, they are precious to me. you are precious to so many people, please know that.

as i type this, i am listening to internet radio and the song "i'm a soldier in the army of the Lord" by lyle lovett is on - so fitting for you :)

love ya.

Gayla said...

Hugs and prayers to you, Carolyn. I know this MD was probably especially rough in light of the contact he made a couple of weeks ago.

This is not an easy one to figure out. Why he hasn't made contact since that time. I suppose it is not for us to figure out.

As I've said before, you are quite the light, lady!! A woman after God's heart!

Love ya!

daisymarie said...

This is the first year in many I haven't gotten a fuscia basket. I really like the pink and purple ones.

The description of your time with your granddaughter just made me smile and smile.

I hope that there are many sweet moments in your days to come!

Carolyn said...

thank you my dear friends. actually this mother's day was good because i had the hope that my precious prodigal would indeed show up some time. he didn't but that's ok. he will soon.

kelly and jadzia more than made up for the lack. they're so precious. as i said ... bitter and sweet.