Thursday, June 02, 2005

still do not know what to say or feel

it's been almost a week since i saw him. he is constantly on my mind and in my prayers. i do not know if i am happy, sad, nervous... it's like the Lord has a hold on my heart and i still cannot adequately express my emotions. i guess all of them.

i want so much to follow God's heart in this. all He's saying is ...

you guessed it ...

be still.

know.

I am God.

*sigh*

how many times has He dropped that truth into my heart in the last five years? how much this revving mama wants to just jump in there and fix everything? i realize even as i write that the lack of emotions (or better yet, reigned in ones) is the work of the Lord. He's holding me back.

*snicker* i just got a picture of me in overalls straining forward with my arms and legs flailing (is that a word?) and the wind blowing through my hair withGod holding me back by the straps. *snicker* you think i need to be held back??

*sigh*

i'm not adjusting to this new position very well. but the time spent in prayer is awesome these days. He's close. so close. thank You, Jesus!

6 comments:

saltnlight said...
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saltnlight said...

Carolyn I believe that is a word yes. I feel for you and I'm continuing to hold you and Robert up in prayer. LUBS YOU come visit ma blog :P I left some things for you there.

Julie D. said...

Loved that "mind's eye" image! How often must we all be in that position? And how often does He tell us to "be still and know that I am God" ... as He has been doing to me for a couple of months now?

You and your prodigal are in my thoughts and prayers as well.

Adinah said...

flailing is indeed a word and I know this first hand, being so good at in. Like you are only bridled as at times I require a firm sitting upon.....blessings and prayers to you in your stillness. There is peace in the stillness.

Adinah said...

jeeps, you'd think I'd learn to proofread before I hit send...here's my own edit, being so good at "it" not in....And like should be "lucky" you are only bridled....and I need an interpretor apparently! That should be good for a laugh for eveyone.

Carolyn said...

aye, i am laughing at your expression of being sat on. been there, done that, wore the t-shirt out! He's such a good God! another thing? i knew exactly what you were saying the first time *sigh* a counsellor can read between the words. lol.

michelle, you are so sweet.i lubs you too.

julie, thanks so much for your prayers. hugs!