Bill returned home, but he still says he is leaving as soon as he finds a place to stay. I have been trying to respect him and give him all the tender loving care he needs, but it has been difficult with me being soo sick. He didn't even make me a cup of tea.
Every conversation is strained, he does not say a positive thing and I just cannot listen to his complaining all the time. I'm struggling with a huge case of compassion fatigue, which means that I cannot take anyone else's crap ... even to the point of not wanting to counsel certain people because they are such whiners. I feel that I have lost all of my compassion!
*sigh*
Because of that, I've had to cancel several days worth of clients, which does not help the financial situation, which is Bill's biggest complaint!
We are in a cycle I don't know how to stop with his help - and he is not helping.
Uncovering serious mould in the renovation has not helped matters at all. I am positive this is the reason that we have all been struggling with such serious illness over the last year, but again, Bill is unwilling to spend the money to have it assessed and then even more unwilling to spend the money to have it repaired.
He has dug his head well under the house like an ostrich and we are all dying from it.
*sigh*
I am simply hanging on as I have been for several months, but I don't know what else to do. Robby and I are renovating in spite of Bill at least to increase the value of the home if we have to sell, but I cannot in good conscience renovate over existing mould problems. I feel so stuck, I want to leave myself. But like Bill, I have nowhere to go and besides, leaving is the coward's way out.
We have had similar issues occur at the church as well:
Vandalism - some 'kid' stuck a garden hose turned on full down an airvent which flooded the nursery and all carpets had to be taken up - including our fellowship hall and probably the four Pastor's offices!
A tree was struck by lightening on the Manse property which crashed through the fence and landed on the parking lot ...
The overhead projector for our worship lyrics suddenly died ...
There is more ...
What I keep seeing in my mind is the enemy leading a parade of demons outside of the window ... they all have drums and noisemakers .... but ... they are outside. They can only try to distract us from our work by their noise and shennanagens (sp) ... That's all they can do.
I find myself giggle as I write because of my blog name and the description. The comparison between myself and the spots of mould are almost comical. Do you know how you kill mould? Bleach. *giggle* *sigh*
Prayers to keep focused would be so appreciated.
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6 comments:
Some pearls of wisdom from David & Goliath.
Carolyn,know that you can win because you are righteous, even though a crisis may appear to be bigger than life.Even when you feel powerless and your giant is persistant & won't go away. A crisis ignored grows from bad to worse & can become an even bigger giant to slay. Be prepared for critisizm if you are planing on taking control. Critic's attack your character, never lift a finger to aid towards the solution & question your motives. Don't let critic's detour you.Once you take control, God will scatter your enemies 7 ways. Demonstrate faith in God and He will show up and take charge. But you have to be willing to fight the crisis head on. Put your faith in the Lord and he will use the gifts He has given so you can fight your giant & win. I am praying for you and for Bill and for the nasty mold. I pray restoration into your marriage. I love you both and I am hear to listen if you want to talk. Love you Michele
Hey Michelle! Sorry I couldn't talk to you the last time you phoned!
Thanks for the pearls. Funny, we were just studying that scene in last week's sermon, the day after Bill left. God is very good.
Picking up my well worn and well used tools and fighting the giant ...
((((carolyn)))) Prayers going up for you!
How are you, Carolyn?
What's going on as of late?
(((hugs to you, my friend)))
Hi Gayla. Hi net ...
See today's post.
the enemy roars like a lion - but isn't one. There is only one lion of Judah and nothing can separate us from his love.
emailing you
Lorna
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