10 years is a very long time

Almost 10 years ago I experienced something that severely affected my walk with the Church.

Although I continued to serve God and work at the ministry He has called me to; my heart was shattered.  The details are really not necessary; God worked it out; but let's just say the enemy took my family and myself on a very rocky road indeed.

Today I sit here with so many changes in my life ...
To update:
Robert now has three absolutely beautiful children; Joshua now 9; Aubree 5; and Natalie 3.  I cannot even begin to communicate how much joy these beautiful children bring into my life.
Kelly still has the one gorgeous daughter who is almost 17!

I continue to be honoured to practice Psychotherapy in a thriving and extremely busy private practice. 

Bill is still hanging on but is quite ill right now.  He has slowed down considerably and is approaching his 77th birthday!  He didn't think he would make it to 65 so these have been extra blessed years.

My relationship with the church is what has fallen right apart.  I continue to minister to all sorts of Christians, and God meets us in powerful ways.  Just tonight, barely an hour ago, He arrived and brought healing and power to one of His daughters in the way only He can do.

It's me. 

I'm finding it so hard to open up to other people on a personal level.  As I type I realize I've closed my heart following the pain of 2010 and find it difficult to trust those in my personal life.  It continually amazes me how God brings such intimacy with my clients but I remain closed off and fearful of those in my life.

Interesting - both of the ladies who were at the core of my pain have since passed away.  I don't know if they knew God before ... there were signs they had given their lives but I wasn't in contact enough to know if they did.  All of the evil they tried to use to destroy the family came to nothing.  They are now gone and I have been blessed with these precious lives to continue to love even though they tried to take them away.

I did have the chance to forgive both of them before ... and I do have faith the Lord was able to show Himself to them before - only the Lord knows.

When I walked away from the Church, I felt little to no problem with it.  I discussed it with my Pastors; explained my reason and assured them it was a journey I had to travel.

I think it is time for me to come out of my cave and venture back into church life.  I know I have a ministry outside of my practice ...I'm still trying to process what God is telling me.  I'm still not sure which Church He wants me to go to or how.

My prayer tonight is He will show me clearly and anoint me to walk through the doors again.